get okay with being some level of burden on others, seriously
you know what’s a real burden? a person that is so scared of leaning on other people that they try to be completely self sufficient and you end up either having to help them indirectly to save their ego or they have to break down in order to receive help, both of which are so much more heavy to the person that loves them than just being leaned on casually
“tbh we might have clowned on [aros & aces] a lil too harshly” bigotry. the term you’re looking for is bigotry. denying communities their vocabulary and ability to safely exist because you think you’re the personal arbiter of which identities are “valid” is bigotry. minimizing and infantilizing and harassing entire groups of people based on their orientation is bigotry. aphobia isn’t some forgettable phase of being cringe as a teenager, it’s bigotry that inflicted long term damage to these communities.
These notes are heartbreaking. There are hundreds of aspec people describing in detail how they went back in the closet or lived in denial or in fear because of the malice, harassment, and ignorance toward aromantic and asexual people. Aspec positivity tags used to be full of porn and gore. This included pictures of the corpse of a teen girl who came out as asexual the day before she was brutally murdered—and Internet strangers responded by debating her orientation.
They told us all of our words were either stolen or stupid: allistic people tried to say that “aspec” was specifically about people on the autism spectrum; “zucchini”, squash, and other innocuous aspec terms and motifs (black rings, playing card suits, cake, space, dragons, etc.) got ridiculed to death; QPRs as a concept are derided as “just friends” and irrelevant to anyone but aspecs, who themselves are deemed irrelevant. In fact, the “clowning” quote in the OP was in the notes on a post of mine about the importance of recognizing queerplatonic relationships.
Aphobes insisted that aspecs couldn’t speak other languages, that it’s a “white people thing”, that teenagers are just trying to feel special, that it’s a side effect of SSRIs, that we’re “basically straight” (straight-passing, i.e. erased). Anything to deny us our existence. Anything to minimize us, to keep us invisible and silent, to blame us for intracommunity issues, to invalidate us.
the part of it that pisses me off most is the way it cut off our conversations. how do you have conversations - what some might call meaningful ace discourse! - about what kinds of aro/ace futures and lives we can imagine for ourselves and get excited about when every post gets covered in harassment? how do you find those conversations and the people who want to have them when the tags are all filled with harassment and basic anti-harassment positivity posts? that shit made it so hard for aces to build substantive dialogues and to dream together in any open space on the internet for years, and I will never not be pissed about that part
not to mention how it completely absolutely eradicated discussions about race and intersections of race and sexuality and the specific experiences of asexual poc, not to mention the overlaps of racialised fetishism and different forms of cultural of heteronormativity - because any public discussion was turned into an “asexuality is inherently racist” strawman argument, which was then spread around by white people, further silencing ace poc.
The state of Utah in the United States has no citizenship requirements for marriage licenses, and Utah County is the only place there that allows international couples to register their marriages online. Since the county rolled out virtual weddings during the Covid-19 pandemic, it became a wedding haven for same-sex couples who are not able to officially marry in their own countries.
As sexual minorities in China face suppression at home, Utah County is allowing them to officially marry and celebrate their love — all for around $100. Although the marriages aren’t recognized in China, some 200 same-sex couples from mainland China and Hong Kong have gotten married via the county’s digital marriage license system since 2021.
For authorities in Utah County, the influx of international couples came as a surprise. The Utah County and Auditor’s Office moved its marriage licensing service online, as part of a digitization initiative in 2019. At the start of the pandemic, a number of couples requested Zoom ceremonies, and the county made those available as well.
The service first attracted couples in Utah, followed by people from across the U.S., and later, from all over the world. From May 1 to September 20 this year, at least 77 same-sex couples with mainland Chinese addresses have been married there, said county deputy clerk Russ Rampton, who oversees marriage licensing, to Rest of World.
Although same-sex marriage remains illegal in Hong Kong, under a different set of laws to mainland China, residents who get married in other places are able to apply for dependent visas in the city for their partners. Married gay people are also able to mark themselves as married in tax filings.
In his vow, however, [one marriage certificate applicant] Zhu said he was looking forward to getting married a second time — in China. “If one day our country allows this, I hope we could get married again in this country,” Zhu said to his husband before they kissed.
ID: A youtube comment with 11 likes by Niceone, it says “I’ve lived 46 years without knowing this. How nice of life to save some of the best bites for later.” End ID.
Normally, people tend to get frustrated, even jokingly, if they miss out on something. This comment was on a song from 1974 and it made me smile quite much. Simply appreciative. Like a dessert after dinner.
guy accidentally cures his own road rage by making fun of the person who caused his road rage
Guy: Yeah I’m, I’m just gonna put this out into the world: I need you to drive, like you got in your car on purpose. Drive like you’ve got somewhere to be, because I do, and I’m behind you! I don’t know how I always get stuck behind the person that’s like. *impression* “That cloud kinda looks like…..looks like a rabbit!” “I do believe….that meadow is full of daffodils!”
*cracking up* Okay, here’s the problem, is I was mad at that guy, and now that I’m doing an impression of him I kinda think he’s adorable and I like him. I like him now. It’s a very unique way to defuse my own road rage. I don’t know what kind of mental illness I have, but it’s fun.
I’ve been thinking about this video non-stop for months, but do you know what just occurred to me? This is actually a great example of mindfulness, expression, and self-modulation.
Instead of bottling it or lashing out, he took the time to stop in a quiet place to process an upsetting event. He validated his anger, and stated he felt his needs were going unmet. He then humanized the person who upset him, and considered their intentions. He then found perspective on the event and his own emotions. This then genuinely calmed him down.
Those are all therapy skills being used in real time! Which, like, I don’t think people talk about enough. Part of the human experience is getting angry about stupid things. Feelings can’t be permanently bottled or unleashed full force on the spot. You need to process it, and take the time to see the bigger picture.
