nuditea:

straight women who casually use the word “girlfriend” to refer to their platonic lady friends, i have nothing against you, but you make the world really confusing,

(via theladyem)

was that in response to my tags?

Yes, and I should have just said something to you rather than frustra-blogging about it, I apologize.  But this is kind of important to me and actually not even about something as ridiculous as perceptions of a fictional relationship, it’s about being reminded that I’m invisible.  

I’m gonna make this post about it because fanmail is finicky as fuck lately and I think maybe other people could benefit from seeing this.  I preface all of it with assurances that we’re cool, I still like you, you’re rad, I’m not sitting here frothing with hate at you or anything but here is what’s up:

I’m on the asexual spectrum.  I can fall quite in love with someone and not have a sexual attraction to them, and not ever want sex with them.  When you say “they are as close to it [romantic] as possible without being sexually attracted”, I essentially vanish.  It feels to me like in a repeated desperation to say, ‘omg, i don’t see them having sex’, you’re also tossing people like me out the window, because ‘as close to romantic as possible without being sexually attracted’ is… romantic.  That’s it.  That’s what I and a lot of people on the same spectrum as me live with every single day.  Sex isn’t the end point on a romance axis. 

And I know you get this a little because your next tag is  “because love doesn’t need sex sometimes.”   I understand the frustration that comes with when your work is interpreted in a way you don’t want it to be/didn’t intend it to be - I get sexual jokes made on so much of my work that I didn’t want to be sexual, and my spot on the asexual spectrum makes that really uncomfortable for me - so I understand the impulse to add these kinds of disclaimers.  It is just really difficult to see this constant “it’s like LOVE but NOT QUITE because they aren’t having sex” all over this thing that I really enjoy.

So, I guess I’d appreciate some kind of consideration on this front, but it’s all up to you what you do with this information.   Again, not because the important thing is various perceptions of a fictional relationship, but because I encounter this ‘romantic love cannot exist without sex’ mentality aggressively every time I walk outside.

Like I said, we’re cool, I definitely still like you, and I don’t want you to think I’m attacking you or calling you out.  I felt it better to explain myself and I’m wordy as fuck so there’s no where else to do this, haha.  This is a daily frustration I deal with and after a rough week I guess today was just the last little flick that caused me to topple over.  I’ve been very good in the last year or so not making angry or frustrated vague posts like that because they never really address anything for the poster and make everyone else mildly paranoid.   So I’m sorry for even subjecting everyone to that.  

But I hope you can see where I’m coming from a bit! 

augh romantic love doesn’t equal sexual attraction blergghsdhs

(via carolsusanjanedanvers)