You guys just make me scream, it’s so amazing.  

I worry so often about needing some kind of assurance from people that I’ve gone backwards somehow into ‘I don’t need any at all!’  My reaction to all of this clearly states otherwise.  I had no idea I needed people telling me this stuff.  I just kept thinking, “I am a fucking professional, I don’t need anyone saying they like my subject matter or my colors or that they identify with what I make!” etc etcetc.   And then my most desperate moments of attempted communication are done through art.  Like of fucking course I need people to react, I need people to say something has done something for them, I need to confirm that I’ve been understood in some way.  The viewing and reacting is an important part of the art process.   I’ve just grown used to being ashamed to want this kind of validation and assurance as much as I’ve grown used to being ashamed of what I’m producing.   What an awful cycle to be in.  

I’m really glad you think these things about me and my work.  I worry things get too same-y sometimes, and I don’t want stagnate artistically, so I try to shake things up and force myself to stop focusing on one subject even if that’s really all I want to do.  I’m in a constant state of panic that people are growing tired of me and since my painting is the best way for me to communicate myself and I have no one local in real life who relates to me the way I need to be related to. I am constantly like “I can’t annoy these people, I have to make sure I don’t push too many away, or there will be no one around to hear me when I’m really trying to speak/paint, and then something in me will really, really break.”

This is really just so nice, thank you, thank you.  

I feel legitimately like I could actually start undoing 20 years of damage with all this, this is all a fucking mindblowing difference to me.  This is like hearing that Banshee and/or SWAN helped shape someone’s identity and that someone else appreciated DD9 Julian being so ?!?! about his own sudden discovery of being not as straight as previously thought but really hitting a place that had been so locked down I don’t think I’d even realized it.   That is all so big to me, but this bit, wow, this feels like this could help me AND the people viewing my work and this is enormous to me.  

I’m so so happy about this, jeez.  I know I must sound repetitive answering all these this way, but I just feel so !!! about the world in general when I’m seeing all these messages.  

I tend to assume everyone else I run into isn’t anywhere on the asexual spectrum, mostly because it’s a statistical probability, I guess, so it didn’t really ever occur to me just how many people were really a lot like me and were enjoying my art for maybe some of the same reasons I like putting it together.  I just figured it was so unlikely that a lot of other people like me would find my art at all, let alone find it and stay with it because it’s hitting a chord that made sense to them because of their asexuality. 

 I ended up writing a bit in my big spew that I’m trying to organize into text for tumblr that got me kind of emotional on this ‘non-sexual intimacy and what I’m depicting in my work’ front, so I really have a lot of hope now that you guys are getting from my art what I think I realized *I’m* getting.  I kind of circled from thinking I didn’t really make asexual art to thinking that maybe I do, it’s just sort of indirect and maybe metaphor-y.  You will see more on this soon and it’s bound to get personal-ish since I think it has to, but I’m trying to make it as relevant and just sort of information as possible without turning into One Woman’s Entire Tragic Backstory: The Movie.   

ANYWAY, it feels weird to say 'You’re Welcome’ to this kind of thank you, but the sentiment is there, though much stronger is a 'Thank You’ back for telling me.   I feel super summer camp bonding time with you guys, it’s been really something.