I’ve got to get better at identifying people who are actually interested in things and people who are just asking to be polite. 

I used to know, but I’ve spent so much time away from real people that it’s atrophied a little.   My method for a while was just to assume no one gave a fuck about anything I did, and I don’t know why I keep hoping otherwise, it doesn’t ever seem to go that way.  

I keep swinging between thinking that this kind of optimism about other people is good, and I should keep trying and that I will make friends and sunshine and yay, and then thinking that I am just putting a lot of effort into bullshit and that being disappointed so often is really not worth being exhausted and let down.

It’s like my continued attempts to be normal and get to nearby places without having to use a GPS to keep myself from freaking out, but I fail every time.   At what point does it stop being brave attempts to learn and better yourself and start being just a futile exercise?