so here we go, it’s:

  • Part of the roof fell off, landlord totally silent regarding this.
  • Disability woman at work has not gotten back to me for a month.
  • had to tell Grandmother that I can’t come to her 80th birthday because her son/my dad was abusive and I’m still having weekly nightmares about him and his wife, so that’s gonna start some shit
  • i haven’t made a proper art in so long, i’m so afraid i can’t call myself an artist anymore
  • owe someone writing but don’t even have the energy to do a lot of things for myself
  • Feel like I am terrible at being a friend or a partner or a sibling or anything.  
  • I feel completely alienated from my family on both sides for different reasons
  • Probably aliened all the groups I used to talk in.
  • Met with therapist after a month and a half on the wait list and really liked her and was very positive about everything only to find out she doesn’t have openings anymore and doesn’t know if she can take me.  Have not heard back.
  • Agents I reported for slurs and other language definitely know it was me who reported them and now they won’t talk to me.
  • other clerks resent me for not having to sit up front anymore, glare or just don’t look at me
  • one routinely complains about what a bad job i’m doing
  • another throws work at me when she passes it out
  • the work i’m doing to pay for not being up front is overwhelming and i’m getting behind on everything
  • I get an email every day telling me something I’m doing wrong.  
  • mice keep coming back after I think I’ve dealt with them
  • No energy to do the stuff I need to, so I feel guilty doing things I only want to. 
  • Someone stole a thing from my desk at work.
  • Sudden cold and darkness out of nowhere. 
  • It is upsetting to have my body.  
  • Food is stressful.  Buying it, having to make it, eating it, apparently retaining it. 
  • Rattling sound in my car.  Terrified to deal with it because it will be money, hate hearing it and seeing people stare at me when I drive by. 
  • Slow leak in one tire becoming a faster leak.  Just so tired and don’t really know where to go or how much car stuff is going to cost.   Just keep filling up with free air at the gas station.
  • Therapist will cost more money than anticipated.  
  • Terrifying feelings that this is it.  It is always going to be like this.  I have no concept of the future or of it ever changing or improving.
  • Terrified in general.   Of everything.  
  • aaaaauuuhgh