I don’t know if I have the proper words for how relieved I was to get in my car and not see the tire pressure light or hear that awful rattling. 

On my way home from dropping off the car, I walked across an intersection that I would have been stuck at in a car because the light was red, and honestly the moment I imagined myself in my car listening to that rattling I had a momentary transport to living it and I was seized with anxiety and fear.  I felt it shoot through the nerves in my body like I’d stuck a fork in a toaster or something.  When my skin reclaimed its proper location on my flesh I realized why I’d needed to get away from work and fix this so badly.  My car has been punishing me every single time I got in it for like he the last month, with this awful rattle that was just grinding every nerve or safe feeling I had down to the root.  

I was so relieved to hear nothing but the engine starting up when I started the car that I almost cried. 

And then I found out that they fucking ransacked my glovebox to the point of just leaving one of my CDs naked on my passenger seat.  Everything erupted all over the floor when I opened it.  The fuck.  

But I don’t feel like I’m driving a conspicuous shame and anxiety vehicle anymore.  The relief is overwhelming.