I kept having a nightmare I was waking up Christmas day at my dad’s house and I didn’t know how I got there or how I could get out. I was hiding in my bedroom trying to figure out what I was going to do. I was trying to think of how I could contact my mother and have her get me out first thing. The house was full of people I didn’t know, I could hear all their voices in my bedroom where I’d locked myself pretending that I was just taking a long time to get ready but actually panicking. All these people who had either abused me or been silent while said abuse was happening or people who my dad had replaced me with all gathered around to celebrate a holiday I can’t stand. And every time I woke up my heart was racing and I had to take a long time to remember where I was and that there was no one in the house and that I’m okay because I live alone