I keep doubting myself, thinking, “I’m just lazy and don’t like to work,” but when it’s work I care about, work that doesn’t put me in situations that make me panic, I’m really dedicated. I love working on paintings, and writing. I wrote several thousand word updates on novel length work every month for a year! I made a whole children’s book in like a month. I made a painting every day for a week! This place just sucks everything out of me and makes me feel hopeless and like I need to do something dramatic or self injurious to get them to understand I’m not doing well.

I just keep thinking I’m faking, despite a real human professional telling me I could apply for real disability.

I’m really frightened of almost everything, really, and I don’t know how to start with what I need to do.