This Ken is haggard. He has not known the sweet embrace of sleep for a month. He lives off coffee and amphetamines and dreams of the day that he’ll pass out at his desk. 5/sadness, please take a nap.
This Ken is accepting the sad truth that he peaked at age 15. He knows that it’s no longer 1989 and he is no longer first trumpet. Yet he can’t let go of his glory days- his teased hair, his hot pink tank tops. Will he ever accept the slow march of time? 4/sadness, ‘vintage’ fashion will come back again someday and he’ll be ready.
This Ken is grappling with intense existential dread. What is the purpose of life? Does anything we do matter? Does my sweater make me look fat? 6/10, lay off the Sartre.
This Ken is anxious, because he’s wondering if anyone has found the bodies yet. nope/10, please seek professional help for your murderous tendencies.
This Ken is about to deliver an emotional and melancholy soliloquy, only to be upstaged by the slightly taller and better-looking Ken beside him. 7/sadness; you are not Prince Hamlet and will never be.
This Ken is already dead inside. infinity/sadness, would sadness again.
I recognize the last one. There are a few other dolls in that lot that I’ve got my eye on.
The fact that Found The Bodies Ken is Shaggy Doo makes it extra funny