Parent: why do you never come to me for help

(two days later)

Me: I need help with something

Parent: CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING BY YOURSELF GOD YOU’RE SO-

Me: never mind

And don’t forget the You Can Tell Me Anything (Except Things I Don’t Want to Hear)™.

Bonus round of You Can Tell Me Anything (But If I Don’t Like It You’re In Big Trouble Even If You’re Asking For Help)

I’m Always Here For You! (Until You Upset Me In Any Way)™.

I’m lucky to have such a well behaved kid! (Until you make one tiny slip up and I yell at you for being dysfunctional)™

i’ll help you if you ask (unless its something that i consider easy in which case i’ll make you feel bad and think youre a dumbass for not knowing it even though its something i never taught you)

come to me if you ever want to talk about relationships/crushes (as long as they’re straight)

Please trust me more and open up (but when I get mad I’ll use everything you’ve told me against you in order to guilt and shame you for being alive)

Wow I can’t believe I have been wronged my entire life by almost ALL of these

Hey be careful with how you talk about people, it might hurt their feelings (but that doesn’t count for me, i can talk shit about you all i want)

Are there even parents who aren’t like that? Mine did all of this.

There are definitely parents who aren’t like this. Mine were not among them.

*adopts everyone who just reblogged agreeing with this post*

Yes. The world needs all the healthy surrogate parents it can get.

My parents actually… especially the mother I had thought for so long to actually be my best friend and to love and support me…

only turned out to be a huge abuser.

That I still have to live with and rely upon as my caretaker…

FML…