Lately, I get the feeling that nothing makes me feel more like I’m am adult than realizing I’m allowed to make ridiculous childish decisions

I didn’t get to go out or do anything spontaneously growing up and I got a sense of not doing anything without some kind of permission even implied baked into me.

I never feel freer than when I get on a plane and go somewhere with friends and we can decide to do things like go to expensive theme parks or have a milkshake with dinner or just do things with no purpose and no reason

I think I go to this convention every year because it’s the most distance I ever get from the stuff that my dad installed in my head. There’s no warning bells telling me to be ashamed or that I’m being inconvenient. I don’t even do anything like actually partying or anything daring, just the freedom to feel that I don’t have to worry about expectation or permission is kind of all I need. I think I go about everyday like, “This is what I’m supposed to do,” and with this intangible sense that I’ve got to follow this expected script

Going somewhere or doing something or just making any kind of decision without seeking an approval for it first, that’s the biggest feeling for me and it’s probably one that I should have been able to explore when I was like 16 or even 18. And I got hints of it then but there was so much control going on in the background

I think I may try to make it a conscious goal to do more things - more mundane normal things - without seeking permission