lavendersisterhood:

Similar to the way Stockholm Syndrome manifests, the abuse victim bonds with his or her abuser as both the source of terror and comfort in an attempt to survive the tumultuous relationship. 

As a result, abuse victims feel a misplaced, unshakeable sense of loyalty and devotion to their abusers, which to an outsider may appear nonsensical.

The Role of Intermittent Reinforcement in Trauma Bonding

Intermittent reinforcement (in the context of psychological abuse) is a pattern of cruel, callous treatment mixed in with random bursts of affection. 

The abuser hands out “rewards” such as affection, a compliment, or gifts sporadically and unpredictably throughout the abuse cycle. 

Think of the violent husband who gives his wife flowers after assaulting her, or the kind words an abusive mother gives to her child after a particularly harsh silent treatment.

Intermittent reinforcement causes the victim to perpetually seek the abuser’s approval while settling for the crumbs of their occasional positive behavior, in the hopes that the abuser will return to the honeymoon phase of the relationship. 

Like a gambler at a slot machine, victims are unwittingly “hooked” to play the game for a potential win, despite the massive losses.

The Biochemical Element

When oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, cortisol, and adrenaline are involved, the abusive nature of the relationship can actually strengthen, rather than dampen, the bond of the relationship in the brain.

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(via justemotionalabusesurvivorthings)