I’ve been extremely tired and have been struggling to bother getting out of bed for the last few weeks.  

I want to paint dolls, but the tiny detail work is a strain and difficult for my continuing adventure with optic neuritis.  I have trouble judging small distance placement, even with drawing on paper.  Watercolor has been a little challenging, getting the brush to land in the right spot, and I haven’t been quite where I need to be while I’m filling my waterbottle at work.  

Doing freelance work gives me so much more a feeling of purpose and confidence and independence and sense of self, but my Eye.  It is limiting my passions and I’m working on the freelance stuff every second I’m not doing my office job during the week that I think the weekend hits and I just want nothing but things that my eye makes very tricky, or bed. 

Also I’m just eating trash because I’m stressed and lacking outlets.  

Saying that, I’m satisfied with my decision to Tumblr less.  And I’m finding no ask box mostly liberating, knowing that I won’t log in to find messages telling me how wrong I am for clicking a button.  I miss people who liked talking to me on Anon about reSWAN or whatever, but removing this pipeline for random judgment has removed an anxiety source.   Eventually I’ll open it to people with names again.  Maybe when I feel like I have one.  Maybe when my supervisor stops trying to terrorize me into quitting.  Maybe when I finally CAN quit.