I wish you could do read more on mobile

But you can’t, so I’m just here telling you I bought plane tickets to go to Portland for a wedding and I have been putting it off for weeks because of the emotional pandora’s box all of that entails

It is a place I dream of with visuals like go pro footage run through the most ethereal Instagram filter and I yearn for it and loved it so much and yet it feels like going back to scene of my own murder

Seeing the airport code makes me cry. Street names make me cry. Concepts and stores and restaurants and buildings and the name of the transit make me cry.

Every memory feels fresh and crisp. I am in tears thinking of how times I did something casually without knowing that years later I’d be crying over those mundane steps.

It was supposed to be something other than what was done to me.

I’m so scared of having to witness it fade away from a plane window again.