Nothing exciting, just talking about decision making and pretending to function well.  To keep mental track or something.

So I didn’t do any proper cleaning today beyond the litter box and what I decided to do was some intense scanning.  Scanning the photos was not going to be as clean-making as just fucking moving them but, in the same vein as the 97 browser tabs, I had everything just sort of left where it was and I thought, I need some kind of way to let me just mark what is done or what I need to come back to so can store this stuff away when needed. 

And marking every page I’ve scanned with a little Post-It flag shouldn’t have been a difficult concept to come up with, but I was so stressed about losing my place or scanning twice for some reason that it just didn’t fully slot into place until now.  So I did that now the scanathon can take up a little less room.  It still takes up more than it should, granted, but I’m okay with it.   I have a hard time returning things to ‘where they belong’ when I know I’m going to come back and just get them out again.  That has been something that’s frustrated me since childhood.  Like I weigh the effort of putting away and taking out the items against the effect of having the item out and the effort has been more troublesome to me every time.  Or I have thought it was.  I did not know I had anxiety as a child, but I sure fucking did.  And I didn’t have the self-reflection skills to go, ‘no, you really would just rather this be away, even though the effort is annoying’.   I try to put time limits on it.  If I’m certain I’ll be back to the task within the day/the week/whatever, I purposefully keep it out.  This does not work all the time, and I definitely cheat. But it’s a thing I try to do to keep functional.

Mad that my attempt to make something feel better by rearranging a doll shelf yesterday didn’t pan out so well, though.  Small task and doesn’t even look good haha

This is my established pattern, though, isn’t it?   Everything is a mess, big things are a mess!  SO rearrange doll shelf that is only slightly less than ideal.  Delete digital things.  Sort files.  Clean small irrelevant thing.

I did make something approximately food-like in the Crock-Pot, though.  I wanted it when I made it, and want it a lot less now that there’s tons of it, but here we are.