Barbie’s dad is just like oh you’ve been selected by the king to save the Galaxy. Cool. Have a great day at space saving, honey. Barbie is the only one to have the sense to be like hey, wow. This sounds kind of like a large job for a presumed teenager and despite my sudden obligatory inspirational pop song I’m feeling a little unnerved about this. Dad is just like lol nonsense. You’ll do great. I’m going to walk away and potentially out of the movie until the finale now.

Barbie was beamed into a castle and just had to talk to tiny bitchy fairies who stamp her wrists like she’s ducking out of a theme park for lunch but it’s also like a genetic identifier. When I was four, the neighbor kids told me the mark of the beast would be like that. They also told me I couldn’t go on the playground after 9:15 because that was when Satan had to fight Jesus for the apartment complex, so their sources are debatable.