No really: the child DOES NOT know why they did that. Fine neuro-muscular control still developing, impulse control “burped”, a pet tripped them and you didn’t notice. There are lots of reasons that a child is at the center of a mess that needs to be cleaned up but that is NEVER because they want to hurt you as a person.
I’m currently staring at my 20 month old toddler and she is plenty old enough to have the type of tantrum that involves taking whatever she is holding and throwing in on the floor. Sure it makes a mess. And maybe she stared me dead in eyes for an angry second before dropping a glass of milk on the floor but was not an attack on me or my property. She would have no idea why I was angry at her for something that may have already left her underdeveloped attention span.
Children need positive feedback on dealing with their negative emotions and impulse control; hell - lots of adults do too because they never learned from prior generations of hitting parents.
We children of the hitting generation learned Terror. Fear of your parents doesn’t teach you not to behave a certain way, it only teaches you not to get caught.
me as a teen watching a parent storm across a room to scream at a child for accidentally spilling paint: hm. This is not good.
me as an adult watching another adult storm across a room to scream at a vulnerable and still developing child for accidentally spilling paint: This is my villain origin story
the longer I’m parenting-aged the more I realize how disciplinary oriented parenting styles are significantly more deranged than initially assumed
Fear of your parents doesn’t teach you not to behave a certain way, it only teaches you not to get caught.
(via love-lays-bleeding)
