Oh shit!!! The little thief that keeps ransacking my porch and eating my decorative corn is a fucking blonde!
Dammit! I wasn’t expecting you to be a beautiful rarity!
god this is the same asshole who keeps KNOCKING ON MY WINDOWS and rattling the doors at all hours of the night and driving my dogs crazy
I walked out on the porch and told her to get her own damn house and what did she do? she just sat there and chewed at me! no respect! no respect at all!
she’s too beautiful to be angry with.
excuse me!!! that was my beautiful corn! it’s not for eating!
after she finished eating my corn she wandered around the porch (WHILE I was standing there in the doorway and just… TOUCHED everything. touched it all over with her wicked little hands, like a spiteful Conservative woman who doesn’t believe in COVID-19 and spreads her DNA over every surface to own the libs.
she picked up the dogs’ tennis ball, examines my parents’ ashtray, played with the lid of the empty terrarium I JUST finished cleaning, and yanked on the dog tether we put Scully on when we’re sitting on the porch.
