Man what the hell is this with me where I’m just absolutely so convinced that all my ideas and perceptions and takes on things are bad and should be hidden from everyone forever when like every time I shared one it’s become a huge thing that people really liked

Why did my brain decide to make the formative experience of sharing stuff I like the the times that my dad and my ex attacked me for them and not the dozens or hundreds of times that people looked at my fucking rainbow glitter murder and pizza themed AUs and went I love this I need it I’m going to consume it and dress up as it

What the hell.

Notes

ladyyatexel said: @crowfoot I’m sure you are probably right. I think the relative importance or power of the people saying things is a factor too. Since the people telling me the things I liked or the ideas I had were unworthy were people who meant an awful lot to me at the time, the disapproval or criticism carried even more weight. I think I’ve made a lot of progress on it in the last decade, but feels a bit stagnant lately. Might be time to do some digging deeper exercise haha
crowfoot said: It’s because when you’re attacked you’re in danger (physically or emotionally) so your brain remembers that more than any of the more positive reactions. Survival instincts. “I did this thing once and it was super painful” has your brain going DANGER WIL ROBINSON. Hard to get all those “I love this!” reactions to shout over that dang robot yanno? That’s my feeling, anyway (not-a-therapist.jpg).
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Man what the hell is this with me where I'm just absolutely so convinced that all my ideas and perceptions and takes on...

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