I was watching DS9 this evening, and I had an idea for a Deep Dish Nine version of “You Are Cordially Invited”..
Like maybe Worf is from a big, prominent military family; instead of performing ceremonies and reciting family history, Jadzia has to do things like hosting a big dinner party by herself (“How dare you serve fish?? Don’t you know General so-and-so is allergic?!”)
And maybe Kal’Hyah is a hiking trip that Worf takes Julian and O’Brien and Alexander on, but it turns out he has a very different idea of ‘roughing it’: sleeping on the ground, no tents, living off the land, free-climbing on sheer cliffs, 15-mile-a-day hikes, etc. Worf has a great time. He’s the only one.
I don’t really like Klingon episodes, but this one is fun…
AHaha, how miserable is this trip, though? Riding out to wherever the ‘roughing it’ will happen in a van playing Worf’s opera for the whole four hours it takes to get there, peeing during the drive is for the weak.
Julian secretly documents it all with his phone. Blair Witch-style videos of him in the dark bushes whispering frantically at the camera.
Thursday, 3:16 PM:
“First day out, I think Worf is taking this really seriously! I hope he lightens up when we get there. We’re going to have s'mores and sing about being men or something. Whatever Klingons do in the woods. Miles keeps telling me the way I’ve been making s'mores all my life is wrong, and Alexander has never had one, so we’ll all learn something. Should be okay. I think - COMING, YES, SORRY.”
Friday, 7:12 AM:
“Worf made us eat berries and random lizards last night and would only speak Klingon while preparing them. Alexander tried translating, but either Alexander’s Klingon is a bit rusty, or we are all going to die out here. No s'mores, obviously. I keep thinking about Jadzia and just - she has to know about this, right?”
Friday, 4:32 PM:
“I made a joke about gagh and now I have to carry all of Worf’s things because ’Neither my impending nuptials nor Klingon cuisine are humorous.’ Don’t think this is going to be a party. Send help.”
Saturday, 8:43 PM:
“Day three, hour twelve. I told him I had to pee, and Miles wanted a sandwich. He’s letting me go, but nothing for Miles because we’re not allowed to EAT because of some cultural taboo. Just the lizards from the other night, that’s it. At least it was protein.
Been hiking so long my legs don’t feel like part of my body. Wondering if you can mutiny during a bachelor party.
I think he plans for us to get to the top of this mountain, but he’s made no mention of what we’re doing when we get there. Last night, he woke us all up at three in the morning by yodeling or something, and he expected Alexander to know the words.”
Sunday, 2:23 PM:
“Day Four. There’s nothing on this mountain. We’re here for contemplation and to wait for some fucking rabbit or something to come by so we can sacrifice it to Worf’s future house with Jadzia. I hope we get to eat it. I will never complain about microwave meals again.”
Sunday, 6:45 PM:
“Rabbit blood was too much for Alexander. We’re resting while he regains his composure. Listen, listen, you can hear Worf mourn-howling about it:
*distant droning, Julian hiss-laughing*
Your sacrifice was not in vain, rabbit. Bony med student and round-ish mechanic honor your memory by sitting down and living another goddamn day.”
Monday, 4:15 AM:
*panting, black shapes shaking across screen*
“Going to kill Worf.”
(via ladyyatexel)
