I’m in agony, and because of this I did not get many things done today that I had hoped because some other plans fell through, so I’m doing like everything I can fathom to distract myself from the urge to writhe.

One of those things maybe was just considering that people value me a lot.

The pocket for my sudden late night idea sketchbook was made by friend A, with an assist from @capncrystal on the embroidered rainbow skull. @capncrystal is also responsible for the Dalek pillowcase and the entire quilt on the bed, a u- shaped body pillow, as well as a plush … crocogator.

The laundry hamper from @sturionic now has plush on it, some from friend A, some expensive childhood losses restored by @nounofrassilon, thoughtful gift of tiny Bastet from @indigobluerose when I was so emotional over my Egyptian Queen Barbie. There’s one you can’t see from this angle made by @relevantbunny. There’s a black cat with Halloween colored fairy wings that I’m sure @tinsnip didn’t understand entirely why I needed, but she gifted to me.

This isn’t meant to be like behold look at my stuff! (Especially because I’m showing you a laundry hamper and stuffed toys in an ugly flimsy bushel from the dollar store.

( I’m calling it a bushel because that’s what it is called on the label and otherwise I would never find reason to use that word.)

This has to get better, it has to. I don’t know what will happen to my life if it doesn’t. But all of this little caring stuff will be there for the whole thing.

I want to put more ‘hello, i care you’ art in my friends’ homes. I want them to remember a little bit like what I remember when I just try to go to bed.