No one reacted. No one said anything. No one protected me. So I guess it was normal, it wasn’t abuse after all. …or at least it wasn’t that bad. Well… maybe it’s just that I was a bad child so the way my parent(s) treated me was my fault. I provoked them. Right?
Children experiencing any form of abuse (sexual, physical, emotional abuse or neglect) don’t necessarily know that they are being abused. (Even as an adult they might still not be aware but that is a different topic.) As a young child they mostly lack the experience to know that other parents treat their children differently. As an older child they might see a difference but it’s easy for the abusive parent(s) to explain that away by saying that the other children are not naughty like them or that the other parents are bad parents. Or they might see a difference but think that the other child’s parents behave differently once they’re alone with that child - after all, it’s typical for abusive parents to behave non-abusive in front of other people. They might also *not* see a difference if they live in an environment where child abuse and violence is the norm.
The difference between a child who experiences abuse but still becomes an emotionally stable and happy and kind adult (*actually* stable and happy, not just due to suppression/downplaying of feelings and of abuse memories) and a child who experiences abuse and has trauma issues into adulthood? The difference is the amount of resilience that child has and resilience is influenced by a series of factors such as genes or personality. The main factor influencing resilience for children experiencing abuse and trauma however is having had at least one adult who sees the abuse/trauma and acknowledges it, who validates their feelings, who actually listens and who shows care and concern. One person who can give the child the experience of being safe and being loved. So, when you witness abuse, know that telling the child that the way they’re being treated is not okay can make a huge difference. Even if you can’t have them taken away from the abusive parent(s), just for the child to hear at least once that they shouldn’t be treated like that and that it’s not their fault can make a big difference. And if you can keep in touch with the child and become that one safe adult, do it. Don’t look away. You might save that child’s life (literally and figuratively) just by being there for them.
(via emotionalabuseawareness)
