My step dad’s family is really into gambling and casinos and card games and all of that kind of thing but particularly lottery scratch off tickets.

Every year on generic winter holiday we are given two or three scratch off tickets. I often look at the dollar amount these things cost and think I wish you would have just bought me a doll instead.

I scratched all of my cards, which is at least satisfying, and I won nothing. My stepdad won $200. I sat there thinking that was deeply fucked up. And I guess he thought so too because when I went out to my car after he had put an awkward bag in the back seat for me the $200 lottery ticket was on the console between my two front seats.

I tucked it lovingly into my SketchBook since my Sketchbook is often the one thing I can count on myself to need and keep around and open regularly and not lose track of.

I was in the car because I was driving to my aunt’s house which is part of a whole other story, but the main takeaway was that I got $20 on a ticket someone gave me there.

I went home feeling very loved and very safe and comfortable although in a shit load of pain so nothing made it back to its brain worms assigned place. The next day I felt like roadkill but that was fine because I didn’t have to be anywhere. Yesterday, however, I ran out of toilet paper because I forgot in my Euphoria at having made it to the dairy section the other week that I also needed to pick up toilet paper. And I decided hey while I’m grabbing that, I can cash these lottery tickets, nifty.

I opened my SketchBook and all that fell out were my original tickets - all complete losers.

Immediately I hear my step dad’s voice saying to me, “I love you, use it wisely,” when he saw me notice the ticket in my car and I think oh God not only did I not get to use it wisely I didn’t get to use it at all because I couldn’t even hold on to it for 24 hours I am a disgrace.

I looked through bag I was given. I looked In Pockets I was not wearing at the time. I turned every page in my Sketchbook individually. I called my aunt and shamefully asked her to go through her garbage in case I might have thrown away the wrong bag of tickets.

After about a half hour of this I thought well fuck I’m at least going to have to go down to my car in the dark and in the cold and see if they fell between some seats down there. I reached for my keys which were not on their brain worms approved hook. Foreshadowing to a future Tale.

But I also noticed on that hook and mail sorter kind of thing was my wallet in the spot where it is supposed to be with winning lottery tickets sticking out of the side of it. I apologized for so rapidly swinging from the unimaginably rational thinking ahead end of the swing all the way through to the complete dumbass who doesn’t look for a money ticket in xyr money holder.

Today, @love-lays-bleeding came over and I was going to jump to the grocery store to grab the few things we needed with the assistance of grocery carts which I just forgot were an option for me because I haven’t used them in like 15 years. Which I would have loved to do.

But I could not find my keys.