When you were young and in school and your class won a contest or sold the fuck out of some hyper expensive candy and festive tins of popcorn, what did you get as a reward? A pizza party.
People getting together for movies? “Hey, man, yeah, come over, we’re ordering pizza.” Yes, there will probably be chips, and maybe even a festive tin of popcorn, but the draw is the pizza, the motivator is the pizza, the pizza is the only thing that is mentioned.
Having a staff meeting, and you want to encourage attendance? Pizza.
I don’t think I have ever been asked in my entire life whether or not I like pizza, only what kind. And I fucking love pizza. I literally just ordered some minutes before I began typing this and I ordered one for like four people so I can eat it as leftovers for DAYS.
So maybe what you need to do here is imagine (or reflect on your own experience) that you do not really like pizza and are kind of tired of every event being ~*~*~*~PIZZA~*~*~*~
Because this is kind of what being somewhere on the asexual spectrum is like, and it’s definitely applied in fandom, where I’ve seen porn used as a reward, as an incentive, and to encourage participation. It’s also often seen as an expected default in certain circles.
I feel already like I need to get several things out of the way to dive into this:
- I am not shaming your enjoyment of porn. Fuck knows women get some serious shit for liking anything - if you don’t like porn you’re girly and prudish and childish, if you do, you’re somehow less female and ‘nasty’, virgin or whore dichotomy etc etc, shit is gross. I’m not about that turning this into that, I’m just relaying some experiences and thoughts I’ve had. If porn has been a great transformative thing in your life, rad, but the place for that is not here, thanks!
- I’m not complaining. People make what they make. This is just stuff I’ve experienced and just some things to think about for a minute or longer. I’m just kind of illustrating the way some things are for me. Everyone is different, etc etc etc.
- I really don’t like being called 'ace’, so if you’re planning to reply to this or reblog it or whatever, please don’t refer to me that way. I’m not entirely sure I have a label for how I roll, and so I don’t really go into a description of my particular preferences and freakouts, but it’s on the asexual spectrum, so 'asexual’ is fine. Just please no 'ace.’ I don’t like that as a nickname for asexual in general, but I know some people use it to refer to themselves and really like it, so please just don’t use it to include me. Thanks.
That said:
