I’m so fucking tired of ‘the holidays’, so goddamn exhausted with all the effort I have put in and still have to put in, hating that I keep finding more people I’m obligated to spend money on, dreading work more than usual because of the psychological warfare feeling of the unending Christmas music, already hating having to do all the travel and the fuss.

I think this would be easier if I wasn’t stuck being a drifter or if I could just feel like I wasn’t some sort of fucking combination leech/barnacle.   It’s been nearly ten years since I felt like I was living somewhere that was comfortable or wasn’t going to fall out from under me because I couldn’t pay or someone was sick of me.   I wonder what security combined with a lack of oppressive guilt is like.