Wow that was

So many nightmares

Nightmares inside of nightmares

All where I “wake up” but I’m still dreaming and think I’m home and safe except I don’t know how I got there. And then something horrible happens and I’m screaming that it’s not real and I need to get out.

I woke up five or six times with my muscles aching from being tensed and my heart and adrenaline making my whole body tremble

Wish we could Not

Returning themes: i live in a hotel or multi unit complex on the third floor, my brother helps but he’s about 14 instead of almost 30, fake awakening, enough lucidity to know it’s a dream and to try to force real awakening, lost, trapped, looming inescapable creepy men, unable to get answers/help, forgetting,

Increasing amounts of animation and surreal images. The elevator opening to reveal a steel bath and shower combo with a rotating blackened caricature of the looming men was a big one

Nightmare Time

I remembered I wanted to keep some kind of track of them here in order to analyze over all themes and things. 

This one has many of our usual offenders: my ex, being trapped, crying while helpless to do anything, Portland, being lost/late.   Also some new players in the form of generic thugs from a 90s arcade game and my dream actively fighting me when I realize it is a dream and am screaming to get out.  Wheee.  

Keep reading

I dreamed that I was on a vacation with Tinsnip but I kept losing time or losing my memory. We walked through a shop, literally just strolled through, and then I realized I had both sides of my nose pierced. There was a long bar shaped piece of jewelry in a piercing I do not have and I freaked out. Tinsnip said I just gotten it done and that it must have hurt so much that I blocked it out or something.

This sounded reasonable but then we kept going through our trip and I kept just having sudden shocking discoveries only to be told it was a very obvious event that had just recently occurred. To me there was no sense of time being lost as in a long time that I I had a gap in my brain or something it was just like walking down the block and at the end of the block you have a peg leg and when you’re surprised everyone asks you how you forgot that dramatic sea accident.

It kept going and I went through some kind of family thing where I was living with a family that was not mine and a lot of my things were there and then they very abruptly were not and people were then angry with me because I had allegedly just told them it was okay to sell everything. When I said I didn’t remember doing that they got extra angry because it had been very recently.

Then I’m on a high school field trip and my best friend from high school is there. She kept shrugging unsympathetically as my Panic at not remembering more and more frequently increased. The last part of our field trip was to be in a simulated prison experience in hopes of scaring the teenage delinquent out of us. One moment I’m sitting on the stairs listening to the officer-in-charge and the next everyone around me is lying down on the stairs and angry with me that I am not following procedure.

“ how did you know what to do?” I asked my friend

“ he just told us, now shut up and do what you were told or I’ll get in trouble too”

And so I got down and slept on the stair with everyone else.

I woke up and everyone was charging over me down the stairs to get in a line. They were all redressed.

“ when did you get new clothes? Where are you going? How long has everyone been awake?”

I was singled out and punished for not following orders. It happened over and over again.

I was told to report to a certain building but I had no idea where that building was. I’d get in trouble if I started off in the wrong direction.

I found moments to beg my friend to understand and she just kept getting angry with me for getting her in trouble for ’re'explaining to me what was going on. I found the officer guy in charge and told him listen I have a mental illness I have something wrong. I need my medication I am losing my memory I’m forgetting things.

He told me all criminals and prisoners pull the mental health card. And I knew he was absolutely convinced of this, because of my time spent working for state parole in non dream life.

I was crying and trying desperately to run away from rules that I didn’t know existed, things I never experienced being told, didn’t remember choosing, etc

It was a lot.

my dash feels all fucked up, like I’m getting posts from months ago

also I feel fucked up, so there’s that too

I came out of that nightmare afraid to move because I thought it might still be real.  I’m a whole fucking adult, but my limbs were functioning like a disintegrating old robot, I was shaking, and I wanted to call my mom because I’d had a bad dream.   I had to take a Xanax and wrap myself in pillow like a fortress/hug.  I tried to call for my cat and my voice wouldn’t work, I just make this choke-y sound.  

I had so many nightmares

I was able to tell my dad to go fuck himself in some of the best possible ways, and a lot of it was animation again

but if also involved me just constantly fighting for my dignity to exist and my dad intentionally choosing to shoot me in the face with some kind of bb gun while also hitting a kind of cheetah monster that was threatening to attack the family 

and there was just constant gaslighting and denial and in the dreams i had recordings of my other dreams and i would play them for people, please listen and look at the damage this caused  

I feel dizzy and drained

i see a nap in my future but imagine it will also be full of nightmares, so i don’t know that will solve any problems

god why i am i seeing so much of my ex on my dash recently jeez please stop

my nightmare the other day was about my ex trapping and assaulting me as revenge for me being asexual among other things

the words are often nice but every time i see the name even though i have it blocked in all the places i feel like i’m being shot

Thanks, friends, that helps!

Especially the bit about having the memories all day and getting the wounds freshly ripped open. I’ve known so many people who never seem to be bothered by the images in their dreams or the experiences that they’ve had in them, but I live mine so completely that I can’t shake them.

When I worked at the Macy’s in Portland I had a dream that my creepy co-worker assaulted me and I had a hard time going near him for like a week. I knew he hadn’t done anything to me for real but my brain wasn’t completely convinced because it had memories of it.

The fucked-up thing is that the bad dream I had last night is like the mild form I get when I take sleep meds. If I don’t take them I get the black sentient poison storm that engulfed everything and everyone I knew and loved and then tricked me into thinking I had woken up and that everything was fine only to have possessed everyone I knew and replaced their faces with these haunting circles and dripping tar and gas mouths that could only say the storm’s name

Its name was Okapi, and even though upon waking I knew that as a cute zebra deer in Africa, I can still hear the way that everybody said it and it gives me chills

So my options are like complete unbridled Terror which leaves me gasping for air and unable to calm down, or take a med and get a slightly smaller pile on of anxiety based on daily life’s minor Horrors.

I’m going to end up drawing something about that storm. I had a very similar dream about a black demon dog with a name years ago. I feel like they must be made of the same stuff.

Dreamed that I to live with my creepy grandfather and after I had an argument with him about a computer monitor, he decided I had to move out. He brought me paper work and took away the kitten I was sitting with and replaced her with a chicken that kept pecking at my skin. I was in pain and angry and scared because I didn’t have anywhere else to go and everyone dismissed my distress. Some people even said I was lucky I could go anywhere now.

My cousins and all their friends lived in the house too but he was letting them all stay. He wore gold fishnet tops and ate ice cream and did nothing all day except tell me I had to get out and laugh while I cried constantly and that chicken took bits out of my arms.

I’m so glad I don’t feel the chicken biting me anymore.

I dreamed a white dude with dreads chased me through a secret door house that I’ve dreamed about before in order to mansplain JTHM to me

ladyyatexel:

I just want to stop having these dreams

They feel like I just spend hours screaming and trying to get people to listen to me and they’re so real they feel like it is happening in real time and I wake up already physically and mentally spent because I’ve spent all night screaming at people to respect my space, to stop teasing me and prodding me and removing curtains

Last night it was a cabin that was also a shower and people kept thinking first that it was fine to come in and open curtains, then funny when I protested. My parents were in on it, letting little kids tear down all the curtains because they were so “cute” and didn’t know. Then when I was still angry they finally agreed to help put all the curtains back in place and came in to help, but I’m yelling no no just Go Away, I’m naked, I just want to take a shower. But everyone is inside anyway, joking and playing and ‘helping’ like it’s a fun family project and I’m curled up in a ball naked and they ask me questions and want to know why I’m not helping with something I wanted to do so much and I yell that I just wanted to take a fucking shower and then I’m scolded for swearing at the children who “just wanted to help/play” and “are cute”. I just spent the whole time screaming for people to stop while they ignored me and had a good time “helping”