• Constantly apologize
• Hide their feelings in fear of upsetting you
• Break down during small disagreements
thinking it will explode
• Need a lot of reassurance
Please be patient, we are trying.
Or they may be
•irrationally defensive
•shut down in mid conversation when you thought everything was going well
•become aloof and distant
We all react differently and cope in our own way.
You never know what someone has been through, be patient with each other.
You’re not good enough. You’re a bad friend. You’re not good at your job. You’re wasting time. You’re a waste of time. Your boyfriend doesn’t love you. You’re so needy. What are you doing with yourself? Why would you say that? What if they hate it? Why can’t you have your shit together? You’re going to get anxious and because you’re going to get anxious, you’re going to mess everything up. You’re a fraud. Just good at faking it. You’re letting everybody down. No one here likes you.
All the while, it appears perfectly calm.
It’s always looking for the next outlet, something to channel the never-ending energy. Writing. Running. List-making. Mindless tasks (whatever keeps you busy). Doing jumping jacks in the kitchen. Dancing in the living room, pretending it’s for fun, when really it’s a choreographed routine of desperation, trying to tire out the thoughts stuck in your head.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen it written out as if it were describing me exactly.
I don’t often see abuse posts about the opposite spectrum of post-abuse behavior, and it’s. Kind of a bummer bc those are still things people experience.
So shout out to :
people who feel like they have to aggressively defend the things that are important to them because they’re so used to it being torn down and taken from them - even if a friend was just kidding, it’s so hard to see it as just kidding.
People who are constantly on high alert for a fight and had to learn to treat everything like a debate because it was the only way they could stand up for themselves. People who have a hard time rationalizing not everything is an attack because everything used to be an attack.
People who are mad and furious over what happened and get completely consumed by rage no matter how hard they try to let it go. And who have to deal with people telling them they’re making it bigger than it was.
People who have to constantly front as being a badass or aloof because they can’t be seen as vulnerable in any way.
People who constantly fear they’re just like their abuser because they lash out at a moment’s notice to defend themselves
There’s a ton more things but I’m on my break and these are just things I experience that I know a lot more people relate to omg. It’s hard to unlearn aggressive means of self preservation and it hurts to hurt people after you’ve had to experience that hurt and it seems impossible to get over or unlearn those things but you’ll do alright it just needs time and patience and there’s nothing wrong with being angry.
