That’s part of the reason I never dated in high school, since I was (and am) sex-averse and society had given me the idea that dating had to lead to sex.

I didn’t either.  Part of it was the serious disinterest in sex (though I naively thought maybe whoever it was would just like to hug me and hold hands and give me very thoughtful presents and watch subtitled movies with me), part of it was terror at anyone getting too close, and part of it was that everyone I confessed feelings to told me they preferred (and then went on to date) my skinny best friends. 

So I just assumed I was hideously broken. 

A guy was super super interested in me my first year of college and I may have poisoned the thing a little by thinking he had to be trying to play a joke on me because after highschool I was thoroughly convinced I was unloveable in every sense.  Then I decided he was cool and could be a boyfriend but I was sooooo uncomfortable even being seen in public with him. He got to kiss me occasionally, but was obsessed with me and it freaked me out so I broke up with him.  Not before he asked me if my refusal to do anything more than kiss was because of some past abuse though.  I think everyone who isn’t super jazzed about sex eventually gets asked that.

And then I got a girlfriend and was significantly more comfortable. But it was still months before anything but kisses and handholding was a thing. And that did okay for several years but then depression and incompatible sexual shit happened and she just up and abandoned me one week and left me with no choice but to move back with my mother in the woods!

I knew I didn’t want to sleep with him, and didn’t.  Her it took a long time because I had to really love her first.  I can’t imagine jumping into bed with either of them immediately.  Especially when it was all new territory.  I wonder if ‘first kiss/instant sex’ is really as prevalent as various media makes it seem.

This is like, I’m not even asking for an asexual protagonist, though I’d love that a lot, I just really wish it ever felt, as I read or viewed, that the author felt like a kiss was good enough for now.